Should Have Been
by Drag0nst0rm
Summary: Oneshots and drabbles. New chapter - Tonks finds the Marauder's Map. Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Obviously.
1. Should Have Been

It was inevitable that there would be comments about the hiring of Remus Lupin as a teacher at Hogwarts. There was no shame or sorrow in that.

But the comments should have been, "Albus! What were you thinking, hiring a Marauder as a teacher? You saw what happened when you made him a prefect!" Laughing complaints. Mock horror.

Not, "Albus! He's a werewolf! What were you thinking? What will the parents say?"

(The staff split on that one. Tensions were high at the Head Table, and McGonagall defended him with words and glares every step of the way.)

Not, "Albus! What if he's helping Black?"

(That rumor had hurt Remus more than any other, and the worst of it was, it was partly because his first instinct was, in fact, to help Black, no matter how reprehensible that made him.)

(Of course, he did end up helping Sirius, and that instinct might have been smarter than he'd given it credit for.)

There were a lot of things that should have been. But instead there were shattered lives and fragile souls more bruised and beaten than his shabby trunk, hearts held together by the thinnest of threads and minds dancing a line they'd once joked they had crossed.

And nothing, nothing at all, was as it should have been.


	2. James

James, Remus decided, was the lucky one.

He first thought this when he got the news that James was dead, Peter was killed trying to avenge him, Sirius was going to Azkaban for it, and he . . . He was a werewolf, friendless in a hostile world.

James was the lucky one. One brief surge of light and it was over. Peter was blown to shreds. Remus was alone. And Sir-Black- Well, Remus tried not to think about him, actually.

James the lucky one. He remembered that when Sirius was wounded and scarred and the Order whispered he'd lost a bit of his mind in Azkaban, and Peter was down one arm and serving Voldemort.

Remus refused to give that man a title.

James was the lucky one.

Sirius was dead.

Peter was worse than.

(He never did hear of Peter's death. There wasn't time.)

He was alone again.

Except for Tonks. He only wished she would leave him alone. Couldn't she see what it did to him to have to run from her, again and again, when it was the last thing he wanted to do? Must she test his honor, his control, his selflessness, when he had already lost so much? She deserved better than him.

He was married. He had a son. Just like James had, once. He truly had been lucky if it had felt like this.

He had been lucky like James.

So of course, he had to die like him.


	3. Confessions of a Part-Time Monster

"Werewolf. Werewolf. Werewolf." Lupin fled from the whispers that followed him down the hallway. His tormentors ran just behind him, sending hexes whizzing above his head.

He had to find the others. If he found the other Marauders, everything would be all right.

He skidded around a corner and nearly bumped into them. They were lounging by one of the enormous arched windows. Behind him the whispers stopped as the students waited with bated breath to learn how they were supposed to react.

Peter squeaked and darted behind James who laughed in amusement. "Need me to protect you from the big bad wolf, Peter?"

No. No. No. He clutched the strap of his book bag until his knuckles turned white. No.

Sirius got to his feet with lazy grace. "Wolf got your tongue?" He flicked his wand. Lupin's books flew out of his satchel and zoomed up just out of reach. Lupin jumped for them.

"Oh, so close! Just a little higher." Sirius grinned.

Lupin growled.

Sirius stepped back in mock fear. "Help! Help! He's coming!" Laughter rang through the halls, sounding his death toll. Sirius leaned forward. "Whatcha gonna do? Bite me?"

Werewolf. Werewolf. Werewolf. Werewolf -

Remus jerked up in his bed, sweat pouring off him.

Just a dream. Just another stupid dream.

The sounds of celebration still drifted up from the common room. He was alone in the dormitory. This close to the full moon, he liked to get as much sleep as he could.

He slipped out of the bed and pulled the sheet of parchment out from under the mattress. Let's see. What excuse could he use this time?

"You could say your grandmother died," James suggested.

Remus's head shot up. The other Marauders were standing in the doorway.

No. No. No. Not now, not yet, please, no -

"He can't. That's what he said, what, three months ago?" Sirius flopped down onto his bed.

"He's got two," James pointed out.

Sirius shook his head. "But what if one of them really did die? Then what would he do? No, he needs something else. Something better."

"Like what?" Peter asked, even that tiny line sounding rehearsed.

James snapped his fingers. "I know! He could tell everyone that it's the full moon, so he has to go to the Shrieking Shack so he won't hurt anyone when he turns into a werewolf!"

Lupin felt whatever blood was left in his face drain out of it.

Sirius was shaking his head. "He won't even tell his best friends that. What makes you think he'd be willing to shout it from the astronomy tower? I mean, it's not like we've ever told him any important secrets. It's not like I've ever told him that my dear mother's threatened to disown me, or you've told him Lily's turned you down yet again - oh, wait." He sat up. "We have."

Remus gave it one desperate try. "I don't know what you're - "

They ignored him. "Not everyone's as willing as you are to shout their deepest secrets from the astronomy tower," James pointed out to Sirius. He turned to Peter. "Speaking of which, you still owe me a galleon for betting he wouldn't have the guts."

"I still can't believe he actually did that," Peter muttered.

"I still can't believe you bet against him."

Lupin barely heard the familiar banter. The sound of his world crashing down around him was much too loud.

He'd had friends. For the first and probably only time in his life, he'd had friends. Now he was losing them. Soon he would be on the outside, his nightmare a reality.

He should have known he couldn't hide it forever. Monsters didn't get happy endings.

He still had to try. He attempted to laugh, but it came out strange, even to his own ears. "Very funny, but I'm not a werewolf."

"Of course not," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "You just happen to get sick every night of the full moon - "

"Even though you're never in the infirmary," James put in.

"Or your mother's in St. Mungo's - "

"Even though she's never on their list of patients."

"Or someone died - "

"Even though there's never an obituary."

"Exactly." Sirius flopped back down again. "Pass the chocolate frogs, Peter."

James looked at him. "Really, Remus, did you think we were idiots?"

"Don't answer that," Sirius ordered through a mouth full of chocolate. "Hey, look! I got Slytherin! What should I hex it with?"

Lupin stared at him. Sirius and James were already debating the merits of various jinxes. Only Peter stayed separate, shooting nervous little glances at Remus.

Better get used to it, he told himself bitterly. He pulled himself to his feet. Suddenly he just wanted to get over it, whatever "it" would turn out to be.

"All right, fine," he said harshly, interrupting their good natured argument. "I'm a werewolf. What are you going to do about it?"

"We were thinking about that," Sirius said. "And we - "

"We?" James asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, James came up with a good idea. Tell him, James."

James used his wand to summon a book from under his bed and sent it flying over to Remus.

He glanced down at the title. Secrets of the Animagi. "I . . . don't understand."

James lit up with an enthusiasm he normally reserved for good pranks. "See, we were doing some reading on the subject, and everything we read said werewolves only attack people, right? So, I thought, if we were animals, then it wouldn't be dangerous for us to be around you on the full moon. We could come with you fo the Shrieking Shack. Maybe it'd help if you had us with you."

Lupin stared at him.

"I think he's gone into shock," Sirius said. He waved a hand. "Earth to Remus. Anybody home? Come in, Remus."

Lupin tried to say something, but it took a couple of tries for anything to come out. "I just told you I'm a monster."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, really scary. Look, I'm sure if I'd come from even a marginally less messed up family I'd be more impressed, but as it is, I've got a mother who beheads elderly house elves, an aunt trying to legalize muggle hunting, and a cousin whose idea of a good time is practicing her curses on her younger siblings. You felt guilty about turning a hedgehog into a pin cushion. Forgive me for not running in terror."

"We're your friends, mate," James said quietly. "We're not going to get out the pitchforks just because you get a little grumpy every full moon."

"Which brings us back to our original point," Sirius said. "You need better excuses. Your's were getting dull."

"I'm sorry they weren't up to your standards," Remus said drily. "But I will remind you that my excuses don't earn me detentions from McGonagall."

"That was one time!"

"Three. Three times," Peter muttered.

James grinned. "I still like the idea of just telling everyone you're a werewolf. Nobody'd believe you, so everyone'll start wondering what you're really up to."

"We could tell everyone you're on a secret mission for the Ministry!"

"No," Lupin said flatly.

"Oh, come on! It's perfect! Completely reusable and it'll get you a ton of girls," Sirius protested.

"No," Lupin repeated, but a smile was tugging at the edge of his lips.

"We could say he was in the library working on that potions report," James suggested.

"I'd buy it," Sirius said thoughtfully. Then he shrugged, grinning. "I still like my idea better."

Lupin threw a pillow at him.

His worst nightmare had come true.

And it was better than he'd ever dared to hope.


	4. Waking Up

Remus woke up on the hard stone floor of the Great Hall. Someone had laid a sheet over him, which was nice, but he would have preferred a pillow. And the noise level was deafening.

He cracked his eyes open. Ron and Hermione were kissing, Hagrid was downing a huge mug of butterbeer, and even McGonagall was flushed. Oh, good. They must have won, then. Harry -

Ah. He caught a flicker near the doors. Harry probably needed some space.

He sat up stiffly. Why wasn't he in the hospital wing? Surely they could do better for the wounded then to just lay them out like this? And where was Dora?

He looked around, starting to panic before he saw her. She was sleeping right next to him. He frowned. The woman'd just had a baby. Surely she deserved at least one pillow?

He hesitated to wake her up, but she'd never forgive him if he didn't.

"Tonks." He nudged her. "Tonks?"

She mumbled something incomprehensible. He suspected it was a death threat.

"Enervate."

She shot up, reaching for her wand. "What? Where? Who?"

He grinned at her. "We won."

"Cheers!" She looked around. "Why's nobody gathered around our sick bed?"

"No clue. Thirsty?"

"Parched."

He helped her up. Hand in hand, they walked over to Ron and Hermione. "This seat taken?"

They broke apart. Ron skittered backward on the bench, face pale. "You're - you're - "

"Dead," Hermione squeaked.

Remus choked. "Beg pardon?"

"Harry!" Hermione screamed. "Harry!" She stumbled to her feet and wrapped her arms around Tonks, sobbing. "We thought you were dead."

An invisible force hit Remus from behind. "You're alive!"

"Apparently." Well, that explained the lack of pillows. "And Voldemort?"

"Dead."

Lupin breathed a sigh of relief. Tonks, however, still looked anxious. "Teddy will be waking up soon."

Their son would. And he'd be waking into a better world.


	5. Plans

When she was four years old, Ginny Weasley decided she wanted Harry Potter to be her brother. He would make Percy stop yelling at her, help her get revenge on Fred and George, and he would always, _always_ , let her play Quidditch with him.

When Bill gently told her it didn't work like that and that there was no chance he would ever be her brother, she formed a new plan. She would marry him instead. Her brothers laughed.

Twenty years later, George laughed for the first time since Fred died when he realized her plan had worked.


	6. Welcome to the Family

**A/N: OotP AU.**

* * *

Tonks had only meant to help Harry pack up. She'd nipped upstairs to throw a few last things into his trunk while Moody filled him in on their plan. She'd grabbed the parchment to make sure it wasn't homework or something.

 **Mr. Prongs is very interested to meet the woman who fancies one of his best mates and wonders why she hasn't done something about it yet.**

Tonks stumbled back against Harry's bed.

 **Mr. Padfoot is excited by the idea of adding Mr. Moony to the family tree but would like to take this opportunity to warn her that he will happily go back to Azkaban for murder if she hurts him.**

 **Mr. Wormtail would like to remind her that Peter is an excellent name for any sons they might have.**

 **Mr. Moony would like to apologize for his friends and suggests she find a better target for her affections.**

 **Mr. Prongs would like to tell Mr. Moony not to be an idiot.**

 **Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Prongs.**

 **Mr. Wormtail would like to point out that he's available should Mr. Moony continue to resist her advances.**

 **Mr. Moony would like to remind her that she came up here to pack, not read ridiculous parchments.**

Tonks set it down slowly.

She wondered if Harry would let her borrow it.


End file.
